Aaron Velky on How to Get Out of Your Own Way

Welcome to another episode of Primal AF.   And I'm thrilled to have an extraordinary guest with us today. He is a true specialist in guiding individuals towards unlocking their full potential, both personally and professionally.  He doesn't need much of an introduction, but Aaron Velky, and he's not just a mindset guru.

He's a force to be reckoned with when it comes to challenging traditional beliefs and transforming lives. His expertise extends beyond the conventional and he's here to share some insights that will reshape the way that you approach your journey of self discovery.   On the Episode you'll Hear about:

1. Self-Sabotage and Negative Mindset: The hosts discuss their personal experiences with self-sabotage, negative inner dialogue, and how it impacted their personal and athletic journeys.
2. Identification of Behavioral Patterns: They identify five common ways people self-sabotage, including not taking responsibility, binary thinking, fear of exile, designing goals without knowing values, and creating limiting stories based on past events.
3. Awareness of Self-Sabotage: The hosts emphasize that individuals may not always be aware of their self-sabotaging behaviors, and it often involves making excuses or blaming external factors.
4. Challenging Beliefs and Humility: The conversation explores the concept of humility, challenging limiting beliefs, and finding a balance between confidence and humility. The hosts discuss a new definition of humility as ownership with awareness and service.
5. Constantly Evaluating Beliefs: The hosts share personal beliefs they constantly challenge, such as the need for personal involvement in every aspect of their work, the importance of having a coach, and the belief that productivity equals value.
6. Balancing Work and Personal Life: They stress the importance of finding a balance between work and personal life, avoiding the belief that constant work equals success, and recognizing the need for rest and enjoyment.
7. Dynamic Partnership: The hosts reflect on their partnership, highlighting how their different personalities complement each other and contribute to their effectiveness as a team.
8. Discovery of Coaching Relationship: The hosts share the story of how they met, with one reaching out to the other for coaching, leading to a coaching relationship that significantly impacted personal growth.

Find Aaron on IG @aaronvelky and online getoutofyourownway.coach.  Also follow Aaron on his Get Out of Your Own Way Podcast on Apple and Spotify.

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Transcript

0:02

Welcome to another episode of primal AF. And I'm thrilled to have an extraordinary guest with us today. He is a true specialist in guiding individuals towards unlocking their full potential, both personally and professionally. So joining us on the show is he doesn't need much of an introduction, but Aaron Velke, and he's not just a mindset guru. He is. He's a force to be reckoned with when it comes to challenging traditional beliefs and transforming lives. His expertise extends beyond the conventional and he's here to share some insights that will reshape the way that you approach your journey of self discovery. So, without further ado, Aaron Velke.

Jimmy: 1:08

it was a, it was a pretty cool. It was a, it was a really cool weekend. And it's, it's really, uh, it's really special getting to see some of those guys in person. It changes everything, doesn't it? I do have a couple of questions that a couple of guys, um, they wanted to ask. I was, I was like, well, just send it. I'm talking to Aaron today, but, how long have you been doing this? Look, it was close to, I forgot how long you said 15

Aaron: 1:36

years, right? Six years coaching in general, about 15. Okay. Long

Jimmy: 1:41

time. Um, I'm going to hit you straight up. This is one from, from Josh. He was asking, he had a really good question. He was like, what was, what's your golden light, like at your core, what compels you or what did compel you to start doing what you're doing? I think

Aaron: 2:03

in, in all capacities, this is true for, for everybody that is doing something positive in the world. It comes from being broken. The, the things that I went through, I went through alone and I didn't know how to ask for help. I didn't know how to do the work. I didn't know what it meant to do the work. And I was lost, man. I was, uh, in all of the experiences that I've had, I've been the person that felt the smallest, I've been the person that felt outcast, isolated, exiled, like all the things that we talk about and I made my way and navigated my way through that. But I navigated that without any structure or help and we're, we're best inclined and most able to help the person we weren't once were. So a lot of this work is. As I've grown, I've been able to throw a rope down two steps before me and say, Hey, come on. Like I, I was there too. And that, that encourages two things. One, I'll keep growing so that I can keep helping and also come with me. You got to do the work, you got to climb, but now there's a rope you can climb, not just a vacuum. So it's, it's just been a, uh, a way to take my damage, my tests and make it my testimony. I mean,

Jimmy: 3:28

it's, I know you said something about natural ability, but there's, there has to be like a learned patience and a learned listening skill and a learned, a learned questioning skill because there's, there's no way you get to be where you're at and around people with a lot of, a lot of value and I'm, I'm not talking about just money. But a lot of people with value that come to you and they flock to you. And I mean, your dream was to sell out an international retreat and you just did it like that. I mean, that's intentional. How did you

Aaron: 4:06

get there? So when, when I was young, being picked on a lot, taught me a couple things. Like I learned social camouflage. So in social camouflage, what you learn to do is you look at your environment and you learn to mirror it. So if I was hanging with artists, I could, I could speak art. And I could understand what was happening. If I'm hanging with athletes, I know how to blend. And me being that chameleon taught me how to shift to fit an environment. Well, if you look at that skill, the, the thing I didn't know about that skill is that it can be really dangerous because at a certain point I got to a place where I was like, okay, I can blend in anywhere, but who am I? I have no idea who I am, but here I am good at blending. And part of blending is taking in information really fast. And regurgitating it out so fast that someone doesn't know that it might be the first time you've ever heard it. So if people are talking about a subject I don't know, I've got to be able to connect it back and relay and speak in their language. That's really all it is, is translation, right? So I've got to be able to translate really, really fast. So if I'm hanging with the guys on Sunday and they're talking football, well, I haven't watched a football game in years. But I can, I understand enough about sports and data and metrics to hang in the conversation and I can ask good questions to stay relevant in the conversation. That was the chameleon. So I might not know who's playing in the Superbowl. I might not know who's playing now. I might not know what the stats are, but if I ask enough questions, well, now I'm part of the conversation without ever needing to know all of the details. So that was my childhood. Well, once I understood what was really going on, which, which took a while. And I understood that my chameleon could be a strength. What started to unfold was if I know who I am now, now I have a superpower. Again, my test became my testimony. Now, if I can choose my colors, I can be whatever color I want. So if I'm in a room of purple, I can be blue. I can stand out. I can also be purple. I can blend in, which do I want to do? So then there was this awkward phase of like, okay, I don't know really how to, like, how do I choose different? How do I stand out in a, in a way that isn't trying to draw attention from a place that you go, which that was a phase too, but over time, eventually what happens is if you can learn how to blend it in with questions, you can learn how to pattern disrupt with the questions, because that's all the questions did in the first place is that they continue to pattern. Well, now I know how to disrupt the pattern with questions. So first, the questions were, I'm going to stay safe. Then the questions were, I'm going to stand out. And now the questions are, I'm going to help you. So it was just a long period of time working with athletes, working with entrepreneurs, working with CEOs, working with teams to where I have learned how to get to a place where there's safety, how to create safety in the way that I communicate. And, and there's a way to do that falsely. And a way to do that authentically, if you can do it authentically and you can create safety. Now the discussions that are on the table become really powerful. Now we can talk about your damage, your wounds, your fears. We can talk about what's holding you back. We can break a pattern. We can identify a pattern. We can change a pattern. But that's, you know, that's a long arc. That's a lot, a lot of years. Uh, and specifically from my, my 15 year tenure in coaching, it's also a lot of repetitions getting it wrong and, and like pushing the wrong button and not saying it the right way. And all of that comes down to the same original pattern. How do I stay safe around people that are different than me? And now that's a gift to say, okay, you're different than me, but we're actually the same. We've experienced similarities in our lifestyle. Let me take my lessons and help you get through yours. And, and not to say I have the answers, but to say I've walked through similar things. Now let me ask you some questions to help you see things differently, because with perspective, I can ask you questions to help you get perspective. And when you get perspective, everything changes. That

Jimmy: 8:27

was, that was very well put. And the relating piece to that was, I felt like when I came to you at first, I too was a chameleon and I was very good at blending into a lot of different conversations. The, the difficult part was I didn't know what my true color was. Like I could be yellow, I could be red, or I could be purple, but what is my base? And that was where I was, I was really stuck. That first piece, that nurturing piece, that um, I thought it was like a huge step. But it's like, you found a way, and Marty, um, but you guys found a way to help find that, put in the missing piece, and then build the confidence. So you're like, dude, this is your real color now. This is blue, but yeah, you can You can do, uh, you can be blue, you can be yellow or, you know, whatever you need and you could authentically do that just as a connecting piece. So, yeah, it was,

Aaron: 9:31

yeah. Think back to like, like may, right. That, that may retreat. Did you remember the moment where things snapped for you?

Jimmy: 9:40

Yeah, I think everybody does. I fucking cried like a baby.

Aaron: 9:45

So let's think about what happened, right? Like so much suppression. I've got to be certain colors. I've got to be certain colors. I've got to be certain colors. Wait a minute. Maybe I'm not that color and that it's hard to find your baseline as a chameleon. I think it's even harder to accept what your baseline is because you've spent so long trying to make everybody else happy and safe and congruent and you know, like you, and sometimes I found myself so lost in who I thought I had to be that I couldn't answer the question. Who was I? And when that starts to rise to the surface, which I think it did at our May retreat, it created so much emotion. You could say cried. I'd say you've released. It was like, okay, I don't need to put up this wall anymore. I don't need to wear the mask. I can take the mask off it underneath the mask. It's going to be a lot of emotion, but dude, you did it so proudly. And so bravely that it opened up a whole new world for you. And I think that once you did that, it's been really cool to watch now that I know my colors and I can use my gift, my, my superpower, man, you just take it off. It is a little

Jimmy: 10:57

bit lighter and even the ones closest to me have, have noticed a huge change and a huge difference and it's, it's for the better, but it's, uh, yeah, you definitely feel a lot lighter because it's like, now I know it's like, it's a superpower, the awareness, uh, the awakening almost here and, well, and the awareness.

Aaron: 11:21

Yeah. Yeah. Very well said, man. Yeah. It's been cool to see, see you change, see the people at the retreat change, see, uh, the, the, the group coaching program that we launched from that, the four of you see you evolve. That's, that's six months difference. You were there in May and January. So seven months. It's, it probably feels like seven months, a long time, dude. Most people have not moved an inch in seven months. Most people are stuck in the same pattern, the same emotions, the same thoughts, same identity, and in seven months you've, you've become a whole new you like that is, that's remarkable. And it probably feels like you're time traveling, but you're, you're zooming and everyone else is staying still.

Jimmy: 12:06

I feel evolved. Yeah, I feel like maybe thousands of years that, you know, maybe somebody not as intelligent and aware as you, where you had to do this by yourself. I remember when I very first got into, well, it was the very first retreat. It was me and Ken talking. And I was like, man, they better ask some really good questions because I don't, I don't, I don't have anything. I'm just doing this with a friend. Like, hopefully I could get better. And. Damn it, you did it. But that's like, like, I think that's only one way that, that, you know, we get in our way. There, there are many others. How many, how many ways do you see, how many different ways do you see people getting in their own way?

Aaron: 12:55

Well, we break it down into five categories, which I'm happy to go over. But what's interesting is that the way those show up. We tend to be slightly aware of, uh, and I can tell you this again, because this was my history, self sabotage. I don't believe in myself. I make excuses all the time. Uh, I'm not getting what I want, but I justify it. Right. I say like, Oh, I don't really want it. Or, you know, I can't, that's a big dream. That's not for me. So there's, there's a lot of things that when I was going through stages of growth, my inner dialogue, it was just shit. It was absolutely shit. And even as I pursued athletics, uh, through college, like I look back at college, I'm like, man, Had I had any kind of mindset work, any kind of personal development, it would have been a very different experience because that was a mental, like, long match. Some days I was confident, other days I thought I was the worst human being on the planet, not even just soccer player, like, human being. Did you do that in

Jimmy: 13:59

college? Yeah. Same dog, same.

Aaron: 14:03

It's just, you know, no one teaches you how to navigate an athletic environment mentally. We talk about it physically. I was, I was great at putting in the work physically, but mentally I was not there. So, uh, I know all these things and you know, there's a documented history of relationships, friendships, businesses, ventures, ideas. Attempts where that's what happened. I self sabotaged, I ran away, I made excuses. I didn't show up to where I wanted to and my mindset was shit. So that's, that's typically like the behavior that we see, but you might not even know that you're self sabotage like, and, and I love the share that you said when, when you came into may, you didn't know, it was like, ah, well, I'm, I'm just going to show up like there's, there's nothing deeper and sometimes we don't know. If there's anything deeper, we're like, no, no, no. It's that person's fault versus us or no, I'm not afraid. I'm not, I'm not afraid. Like, like, come on, bro. I'm not, I'm not scared of success. Like it just, you know, it hasn't happened for me yet. And we make up all this bullshit about what's really going on because we don't want to deal with the fact that it could be us. So those five ways are, I'll just count them really quickly. This is sort of the scientifics of, of how we identify change for people. Number one is you don't take responsibility. You don't accept. Your world. You don't accept that it's your fault. You don't accept where it is. Then, uh, number two is we believe in a binary we're stuck in an either or got to get married or break up. I got to quit my job or stay here forever. I got to, you know, lose 50 pounds or I'm going to die tomorrow. We just get stuck in a binary. Third is the fear of exile. The unwillingness to let go of our current environment, our peers, the people around us that hold us back ultimately. And don't align with our dreams. And, uh, I think fear of exile has been one of my biggest challenges to go to a new group of people. Then we've got designing goals before, you know, your values, you have no idea who you are and here you are making all kinds of goals and shit to try to get something that you don't really care about. And then number five, we, we build a story. We create a story out of an event. So an event might be you crash your car or an event might be your fifth grade teacher tells you you're going to be a nobody. Your, uh, your coach or your athletic trainer says that, you know, you don't have what it takes to be successful and we make a story out of that and the story you make largely determines your future. So when a chiropractor and three doctors told me I never played soccer again, the story was, you're wrong. That was my story. You're wrong. You don't know me, you're wrong. But for a lot of people, that story would be their future. We can change our story about an event. And when you change your story, you do change your future. So, uh, Yeah, just important to, to know that those five are there, but again, they show up in like really simple ways like, ah, this, uh, this is bad for me when you're just scared of it. As an example.

Jimmy: 17:13

So I told a couple of people that you were going to be on and, um, they haven't reached out to you yet. I know some have. But I know they're going to be listening to us being like, shit, okay, I'm good. But, um, yeah, that's, um, I think, I think again, it's the, it's the awareness that's an important to important to, to have, like, that's important information to have. But I think, especially if you're going, if you're brand new into personal growth, what, what have you seen? Are the biggest misconceptions or people, things people tell themselves about not going into personal growth?

Aaron: 18:00

Well, I can always say it from two lenses. One is what I've experienced. And then two is what I hear people talk about. Cause typically someone that's going to come to me and say, Hey, I'm ready. I'm help me change everything about my life. I want the next level. Typically they've already done some, uh, my, my story taught me that to want more was greedy. And if I want more out of life, there's something wrong with me and my environment confirmed that, that if I had big aspirations and big dreams, I'm the odd duck, I'm the ugly duckling. So I think part of what you can look for, at least initially is, do I feel inadequate for my dream? Do I feel stupid for having these goals? Do I feel like my friends are going to laugh at me? That's usually a good place to start because our personal journey is usually activated by our environment. When you get in other environments. Everything changes when you're around people doing personal development, you almost have no choice. So that was a good place to start for me. And it might be a good place for somebody to listen. The other place that I would encourage anyone to look is if you look at yourself in the mirror and you can tell yourself that you are getting better and it's true, then you're probably on a good path. But if you're like me, when you look in the mirror, you got the same bank account, you drive the same thing, got the same job, got the same opportunities, got the same friends. Same, same, same, same, same. You're not getting better. And that's a harsh truth. That's a harsh reality, but there is something about accepting where you are. Number one way we get in our own way. We don't take responsibility. Hey, I'm not growing. I'm not changing. And I don't mean like you get your 2 percent raise every year. I'm talking about like fucking growth where shit's changing and things are evolving. You're like, Oh my God, it's going faster than I think I can control. I'm going snowboarding next week. I've been snowboarding for a long example of like what happens if you go snowboarding and you're not super experienced when you start going fast, real fast, what do you do? Kind of like freak out, freak out. And then you typically like throw yourself on the ground, whether it's conscious or unconscious, like, Whoa, I'm going too fast. Yeah. Just take a dive, take a dive. That's right. Exactly. I can't handle the speed. And that's, that's how, you know, you're growing when you're like, I've never gone this speed before. And we, we get in our own way by throwing ourselves on the ground. Like, dude, chill, you're good. Let's learn to embrace the speed. And I was in, uh, I was in Lake Tahoe last year running an event. And It was a great event. It was like 55 people got out on the mountain. Then I attended event afterwards and me and three guys started racing. So there's an app where you can track all your data now. It's amazing. But we weren't racing like side by side. We were just different parts of the mountain. So the goal was to get to top speed and like, man, there's so much about this that I, I feel like is my journey. So the first time went down, I was like 35 miles an hour. I feel like I'm zooming.

Jimmy: 21:20

Well, you said

Aaron: 21:20

35 miles an hour. 35 miles an hour. So he gets to like 42 and then next guy goes 43, then I get to like 46, then all of a sudden we're just going bananas. Like, I think the competition got to, I think Adam ended up winning. Adam, Frank, and I all have a business together. Uh, I think the top speed that Adam got was like 53. I clocked 51 Frank clock clock 51, like a, like a crazy speed on a snowboard. Right. But it wasn't like I was always comfortable with that speed. That's what growth looks like. You eventually get comfortable with different speed in a week. I do more than most people do in a month and definitely who former Aaron way more than he used to do in a month. But that's what, that's what growth looks like. You can manage more, you can handle more, you can excitedly complete more. And I had to look in the mirror and be like, damn bro, I'm not growing like this 1%, like year over year growth ain't it for me. That's not growth. That's that's existing. I'm not actually growing. It's huge.

Jimmy: 22:32

That's a pretty cool story too, because I mean, there's a reason why you did, you didn't just like fucking send it, you know, and go like 50 miles an hour. The first one it's like, well, you know, but then, you know, as the competition and comfort grew as far as going fast, I mean, that's, first of all, that's pretty ballsy, but

Aaron: 22:51

it's very

Jimmy: 22:54

good, man. And well, some of that at the early part, you were kind of talking about something that. That really, um, rung a bell, rung a bell with me, especially after this weekend. And it was the topic around humility and humble, um, think there's. There's like a fine line between being egotistical and, and being humble, but also like a self was depreciation definition of humble. Um, how do you find like the true meaning of humility or being humble?

Aaron: 23:38

So I'll give, I'll give some context to somebody listening, uh, at the retreat this weekend. So you're 12 people. One of the trends that I noticed was, um, this idea that we should all, uh, be humble from a lens of, of what I think we're taught, which is, is kind of like, don't be big. And I appreciate this because this is also where I came from, right? This is what I was taught when I went to church when I was younger. This is what I was taught growing up. My parents were really good about that. And, and I can appreciate where it comes from. Ultimately, the, the humility that we want to embody is a positive thing. For me though, it eventually became really limiting and really toxic. So it came up in the retreat. Cause I noticed that it was starting to happen the same way that I went through it, where humility isn't any longer. Remember where you came from and care for others and make sure that you're not stepping on somebody. It's actually don't grow, don't grow too tall. And that version of humility is, is, is wicked to me. The idea of that kind of humility is like, you'll make everyone else feel small if you're too tall here. You'll make everyone else shrink if you're too bright. And I don't believe that now I did, but I don't believe that now what I've recognized is that I'm supportive, not in a way that demeans somebody, but that allows somebody to look and say, I want to be like that too. They're not, it gives them space to be broke. And that to me has also been enabled by other people that when I look at them, I'm like, If they can shine that bright, maybe I can too. So the new definition of humble was something that I spent a lot of time on these definitions because we use these words, but we never think about them. So the new definition of humble that we created for our clients and for our work is ownership with awareness and service. The key part of that is ownership. The front of that is ownership. If you're great, be great. And this, this goes back to athletics, right? If you're a good player, if you're a great player, don't play down. How many, how many of us have been on teams where we're the top team and we go play a team that's, that's ranked below us and we played down to their level. Well, we don't want that. We want ownership. If you're great, be great. Now we have to add in some awareness because there's a time and a place, right? Don't be a dick. It's not a great place to shine super bright when you're not on stage or when you don't have them. Like, or you haven't, like, we don't want to supersede somebody. It's not a great place to, uh, to dominate if the team that you're, if you're, if you're up 10, nothing, there's no need to showboat. Okay. Let's not, let's not get the ego out here. So we need to be aware of our surroundings and aware of the people around us. There's a time where someone might need a gentle, like nudge. There's a time where someone might need a high five. You got to know the difference. So the awareness is key. And then service is really important that that's like. That's ultimately where Humble, I think the origin stays in this idea of service. I'm here to serve you. I'm here to help you. We get people coming through our retreats that are ready for change. And I'm not there to like, my job is to compassionately ass kick them into their future self. But, but to do that from a lens of service, I'm not here to hurt you. I'm not here to challenge you for the sake of challenging you. I'm here to do that because you're called to something greater. And that, that idea of service to, to be a servant leader, to be underneath someone so they can ride is to offer them. What you have is very different than like. The, the, um, the ego that wants to win everything, but that definition really set me free and, and hopefully it does. If you're listening. Um, I think it really resonated. Uh, it sounds like I did with you, but, but also with the people that were at the retreat just last weekend.

Jimmy: 27:45

Yeah. That one wasn't for anybody else, but me, that was something that I wanted to ask and get and get. You know, just more information on it, just because it did resonate with me. And I know if it did with me, it resonates with, with a lot of people, especially the people listening. But yeah, that was, that was for me. Um, I like it. So ownership and don't be a dick. Got it.

Aaron: 28:07

Ownership and don't be a dick. Yeah, it's a good policy. It should be, it should be

Jimmy: 28:11

a t shirt. Um, Kelly had a good one too. Kelly said, um, what beliefs do you personally have? That you think that you need to evaluate and reevaluate because I think a good connecting piece that you have That resonates with a lot of people is you've been there and like you said, you're you're helping people You're helping people out because of where you've been she wants to know what might you? Constantly have to come up against

Aaron: 28:47

I think an easy one is it has to be Uh, it's, it's very easy to think about what we're building and how we're building it in a way that perpetuates the need for it to be me. That no one else can do it as good, right? That, that is true for all of us. Uh, but in this industry in particular, it can be gnarly. So we're working on building structures that will challenge that belief and allow someone to essentially run one of our retreats after some training without me necessarily needing to be there or Marty. So that, that's a big way of challenging that belief. I think another one is that, and I have to really be careful about this one. I think it's important that coaches have coaches and trainers have trainers. Um, I do have to be way more deliberate in choosing the coach now because it needs to align with where I want to go. Uh, But that's a big ones to, to get behind it's, it's easy to be like, well, this is my profession. So why, why would I go get somebody? Don't I have the answers? And I don't, I definitely don't. And sometimes I can't see my own stuff. So that's a big one to challenge and regularly challenge, make sure I have, I have a leader, someone I can look up to and, and mimic. Um, and then another one. Uh, I love, I love the word primal. I think it's, there's like a primal piece of me that, that wants to compete and wants to grow and wants to like go 150 miles an hour at all times. And that belief is largely around, like, if I don't produce, I'm not valuable. If I don't make it rain. And they never going to rain and I have to challenge that all the time. I have to, I have to really watch that one because it's easy to just, because I love this work and it creates so much fulfillment and joy and changing people. It's easy to be like, well, I'll just work more. I'll just work more. And I like what I do. So I'm happy to work more, but there's a lot more to life than work. So not only do we talk about that and help entrepreneurs find that and, and. And help you find your, your line where you're working, you're playing, you're living, you're alive, but I got to make sure that I do that for me and I go have fun and I go meet friends and I go build relationships and I go, you know, do the things that, that light my soul on fire besides work. That's, that's another one that I have to monitor a

Jimmy: 31:20

lot. That's, uh, yeah, that's really important. And I think. On the other side of this as being coached by you, I almost appreciate that you would practice like the freedom and not just working all the time. I say that to like the trainer I have too. He's like, Hey, I'm not going to be available for two weeks. I'm like, sweet. And I see videos of him like, you know, running, you know, in the, in the countryside over in Europe or something. And I appreciate it. It's like, good. You're practicing what you're doing. Um, and then same thing for you. There's gotta be that freedom to just go and have fun and play and throw axes. That's right. Did you

Aaron: 32:02

guys go do that? Um, we, we didn't, man, we were so gassed. Like we, we had never done two retreats back to back and then we have another one next weekend. Uh, so it was, it was a lot. And I think. What we needed was rest, uh, went out to lunch, we celebrated, you know, we took, took some time to decompress, uh, and I think in, in a lot of ways, we were so tired that the idea of doing something active, which we might normally do after one retreat was just, it was just too much, it was too much.

Jimmy: 32:36

Speaking of Marty, he's, he's pretty special. How did you find him? Because you guys are a really dynamic team. It's like, almost like your personalities combined cover a massive, like just a massive scope of people.

Aaron: 32:55

Yeah, I would agree with that. And, and he's definitely been a game changer in, in what we're able to do together. Um, it was, I think 2020, I'm pretty sure it was 2020. Uh, I got a message from him out of the blue, like randomly, and he had just seen something on my Facebook profile that I guess resonated with him. And at the time I was putting out so much content, I didn't even know what, what was going out or what wasn't going out. You know, it was just, it was so much, and yet I was writing very openly about what was happening in my life and what I was experiencing. So I get a message, I don't know, we had a brief conversation and, uh, I kind of do what I do, like. I'm happy to chat with you, but here's also my feedback. Like I'm, I'm, I'm not unkind, but I'm also not going to give you social platitudes because I have to, that's just not who I am. We eventually set up a call and talk through what he's going through. And, and I gave him my feedback on that. Uh, and said, you know, Hey, I think it'd be really good if you. You found someone to help you through this process. And I made not a single reference to me being a coach. So like two weeks went by and I think I got a message, something to the effect of like, do you know who could help me? I was like, well, okay, tell me, tell me what you're looking for. And got through a lot, set up another call and got through another long conversation and in that conversation, we went from, I think I need a coach to. Is that, is that something that you do and started a coaching container? And we worked together in that space for a little more than a year, maybe a year and a half, and really just grew so much so much. And at the, at the end of that time, it was, it was really interesting. Cause at that junction, there was a lot changing in my life. He was like, I want to get involved in what you do. And I was like, no, no, absolutely not. Like. Because at that point, it felt like it was, it was just out of convenience. You know what I mean? And that, that happens often where people are like, dude, like, this has changed my life. How do I, how do I repay you? Like, you don't need to repay me. Like you invested in this just like I invested in this, but he kept pushing and pushing and pushing. So we took a little space kind of severed for a moment and then got him involved in at the time, a different business. And as. Business life changed. It just, he just kept wanting to do more and take on more and he became the integrator here and in no short time as this, as this business unfolded. But I was hesitant the whole time. I would, I think. I think it's been good to be hesitant also to give him space to be like, okay, prove it because again, it's very easy to be like, yeah, I'm, I'm serious about this and you just don't follow through, but he's been great at that. Yeah, that's, I mean,

Jimmy: 36:00

that's an amazing find just, just even the interactions and how, how different yet the same that you guys are. It's almost like. You're both heading, you're directionally efficient. Well said. I love that. I mean, you're both on the same goal.

Aaron: 36:18

Yeah. And, and I think for somebody listening, like the, the hard part about finding someone that really wants to help you build what you're building is not finding the person. It's creating a vision that's big enough for them to fit inside it. Like the vision has to have space. It has to have enough room for someone to be like, Oh, I can see myself in there. And what I have found with a lot of business owners is that their vision only has space for them. And the goal of this, this movement, this mission is, is if you come and be a part of this, if you come to a retreat, if you come to an event, if you sign on for coaching, you're, you're a part of something much bigger than you, and we're going to expand your space and that there's plenty of space for you to become a coach, for you to become a retreat facilitator, for you to become one of our leaders. Are we there yet as a business, we have a lot to build. No, but we're building that and we're building that because the vision is so big where people can lead the movement independent of us. And that's hard to do if you're a CEO, because CEOs are typically very defensive. It's my vision. It's my way. It's my idea. It's my success. I want to be the one. I want to be the guy. And that was largely the first couple of companies that I built. That's how they were built. This one is built a little different and the best

Jimmy: 37:39

way possible. It is a little different. That's great. And I mean, it's also a great transition and these are pretty much every question that I'm coming up with right now is something that I, I picked up. So, I mean, you, you, you've touched on a bunch of different things in the retreat, but you know, you had to have a certain amount of. of known knowns, but also you have the unknown, like when you, when you were going with Marty and I guess just building your business. And I think a lot of people like myself included are held back by not knowing the unknown. Um, how, how do you think you would get somebody to embrace the discomfort of leaning into the unknown?

Aaron: 38:27

Well, there's two ways to make change. Imagine you're sitting down in a chair. This is like your life, your business, your money, all that. I can either make something across the room. Really, really, really, really exciting. So that you might get up and go, or I can light your chair on fire. So sometimes it takes a little bit of both. But that, that's how change happens, right? We might say like, okay, the unknown is actually really appealing. Let me move towards it. Or, Hey, if you stay here, you will burn and then someone's going to get a real fucking quick, right? And I think the, the unknown has been a part of my world for so long. Like when you work with kids or you work in a coaching space, especially coaching with kids, it's the double effect there. You have no idea what's coming. You have none. It's probably true with, with you and the fam. Like, you don't know what it's going to look like at the end of the day. You have no idea. And you know, if you try to plan something too rigid, you're going to find out real fast. They're like, you don't have control. So part of it in helping people change and helping someone reach the next level. Most people will tell me that they want to reach the next level. They have no idea what the next level looks like. And. In their mind, it looks the same as what they have. I'm like, bro, or miss there. There's no way that the next level looks anything like this. The next level, you have a totally different mindset. You have a totally different set of habits with your money. You have a totally different style. You have a totally different way of walking. You have a different style of saying the word unknown. You speak different, you act different, you sell different, you make more money. And therefore your business changes. You have a team, you hire different, like all, everything is different. And yet here you are in the chair telling me that you don't want to go there. Well, let's make it really sexy. What if you triple your salary? We've helped a lot of people triple their salary, five X, 10 X, their revenue. Great. We've had a lot of people change their fitness, change their relationship with food, change their relationship with dieting and stress and time off and vacation, like all these things. But we, we got only one or two ways to do it either. It's so appealing that you're like, I cannot wait to do that. I will fight through the discomfort because it's worth it. Or if you're like, nah, too risky, not too risky. Okay, I'm just gonna come light your channel fire and I'm gonna show you that the pattern that you in that you think for some reason is going to get you there one will never get you there and two is actually leading you backwards. So if you stay still. Okay, what's that look like if nothing changes, nothing changes, and the pain that you're in. It's here for 50 years. You know, somebody that's 65 years old and miserable, you're on the path to be one of them. Do you like the way you look? Do you like the way you feel? Okay, if not, I can tell you that 2 pounds a year for the next 30 years is 60 pounds. That's it. 2 pounds a year for 30 years is 60 pounds. Are you going to feel good at 60 more pounds? Probably not. And that's only 2 pounds a year. So all of these things are designed to, to allow someone to see the consequence of their choices. And then we just can light the chair off because it's so uncomfortable to be like, okay, okay. I get it. I don't want to stay here anymore. And then you'll change. Yeah. It's like,

Jimmy: 42:02

it's getting hot dog. We got to go. But I mean, I've. I got a test that I've seen just multiple different dynamics of people and you do the same thing. It's either people that want more of something and not just money or they have too much of something and it's holding them back from their happiness. There, I don't think there's a genre of people that That shouldn't at least come in contact with you. My pitch to like somebody, if they're, if they're looking for looking for something or growth, like if you have any goal in any Avenue, I would holler at them because it's definitely worth your time. If you want it, if you're not serious, then don't.

Aaron: 42:49

Yeah. And, and, and here's, here's the comedy of all this. When I, when I first signed on for personal development, it was, it was a 5, 000 ask to join a mastermind and that mastermind changed my life in so many ways, but at the time I didn't have five grand and I'll never forget it. The guy was like, okay, uh, I'll give you a couple of days to come up with a thousand bucks. And I was like, bet, let's go. And I went back, I came home and I set up, uh, at the time I was doing, I was coaching, I was building a, uh, a nonprofit and I was doing personal one on one training with soccer athletes to do like skill development. And I set up like 16 sessions at 40 an hour to get there. So it took. All weekend, man. It was like eight hours both days to get there. So I sent in the money and I was like, okay, I need a payment plan. They, they worked with me to build an escalating payment plan, but that was the scariest choice I've ever made. That$5,000 though, if I really look at the ROOI of that five rent is like a silly multiple. It would be like 500 x just off of what I learned and how much I grew, and most people are like, well, I'm afraid to invest in coaching. I'm like, okay. What's going to make it worth it. What if I show you how to make, let's, we'll just call it flat numbers. What if I show you how to make 10, 000 a month? Well, in a year, you're going to make 120 grand in five years. You'll make about 600 grand in another 10 to like, how big does that number need to be before it's like, okay, this makes sense. And I was really afraid to do that. And now I'm like, okay, let's just do some math. Is this the right person? Great. Do I believe in them? Great. Okay. It's 90 minutes for 2, 000. Okay. And that, that is a very different mindset. That's a next level of mindset for me. 90 minutes, two grand. You gotta, you gotta be willing to throw down some cash, but what's the upside? If the upside is that in that 90 minutes, I get hyper clear. Hyper focus dialed in and that, that the decisions that come from that education, that learning, that opportunity open up 10 grand, 20 grand, 50 grand at what, again, at what point does the ROI become positive enough to be like no brainer. And, and I think that's a big part of, of change for people where it's like, do we charge two grand for the retreats. It probably needs to go to like 2500 and will as, as things evolve. But that's still underselling it, still underselling it. We, we price it that way. So it's accessible so that someone doesn't need to be at the pinnacle of their career to say yes, but you still got to invest. And I'm sure it has been scared to do that, to be like, okay, we're going to, I'm going to do this. But if you think about the ROI, you can tell me what do you think? Like what, what has been the ROI? You've come to two retreats now, one in May and one in January. What's the ROI of coming to a retreats and doing six months of coaching?

Jimmy: 46:06

I mean, it's hard to put a number on it, but I could definitely put a number on it by the investments that I've made. Um, and the, I'm not going to call it an unintentional or, uh, uncoincidental promotion that I got. Um, but it's, it's changing the way that you are. It's kind of like a coin is you're, I mean, I mean, this is your words. I'm sorry. B do have. Um, change essentially in a positive way who you are and, you know, when things will change for you, but there is also a fear, right? And like high performing athletes, you know, they, they would be like, I don't fear anything and you know, I fear God or whatever, but there's a feel, a fear of failure. Like what if I invest in this, Aaron, what if I invest in this and I'm a failure and it doesn't work? Yep. What do you

Aaron: 47:06

say? Well, there, there's two broken links there. One is I don't trust myself. And at the end of the day, if you are, if your trust is broken with yourself, I'll find that and that's what the retreat can be for you. We'll help you rebuild the trust with yourself. And if you don't think you're worth investing in, we'll find that too. And we'll figure out why you believe that because the next level, you only happens when you trust yourself. And it only happens when you can invest in yourself. Like people act like it's a secret, any secret. If you don't know something, invest in learning it. And there's a lot of ways to learn it, not just us, lots of ways to learn. But if you can't invest in yourself and you don't trust yourself, you got no future. That's just, that's just the truth. So essentially,

Jimmy: 47:59

are you comfortable being where you're at? And there's probably a good reason why you're having the conversation with somebody about joining a retreat or personal growth. It's not because they're on top of the mountain.

Aaron: 48:12

That's right. And look, we get phone calls from people who are at the top of the mountain. They're like, I think there's a bigger mountain. Cool. Let's go make 5 million a year. Okay. How do we get to the next one? Well, is the next one money? Maybe the next one's not money. Maybe the next level is more than money. Maybe it's impact and radius and change. You know, if, if you don't trust yourself and you don't think you're worthy, I can, the question I would ask, like, how comfortable is that chair? Cause you're going to be stuck in it for a long, long, long time. And most often people raise their hand when the chair starts to get really hot. And they're like, I don't like this anymore. And they're like, oh, okay, well, you know, I don't, I don't know if I can invest or, you know, may, I don't know if I'm ready or whatever the bullshit excuses and they'll call six months later and be like, okay, it's hurting. It's hot. I'm ready. I'm fixed this for me. And. It's unfortunate, but that's usually the first and last time that that happens. Because once you do it one time, again, whether it's retreat or it's coaching or, or what have you, once you do it one time, then you know, the next time the chair gets hot, like just a little bit hot, it's time to go. And you learn to build that relationship with like, okay, it's time for me to reinvest in myself. Yeah, it's amazing.

Jimmy: 49:35

And it's also amazing how you could turn almost an objection into, um, this is an opportunity.

Aaron: 49:44

Well said. Objection and opportunity.

Jimmy: 49:47

But, um, hey man, I'm going to respect your time because I know you've had a long weekend and you got another one coming up, but I really appreciate, one, I really appreciate all the time and effort that you put into me personally, but also, you know, joining us here, and, um, you have to let us know Hear how people could find you.

Aaron: 50:13

I'll say this, man, it has been incredible to watch you grow and I pour into you'cause I think you're worthy of being poured into. And I believe in who you are and I believe in who you're gonna be. And the, the, the thing I see in you that is, is really special is that not only do you have an edge and a character and a personality that is, has only gotten brighter and bigger as you've grown, but you give a fuck. You care about people. And those are rare combinations of things. So to, to pour into you is, is special because I get to see you radiate and affect others and, and people listening. I'm sure we'll agree with that. Uh,

Jimmy: 50:52

don't make me cry on my own shit.

Aaron: 50:54

I will, I will, uh, uh, vias and victory. Yeah. Okay. Why, uh, you can go to our website, get out of your own way that coach, you can sign up for a discovery call. We'll talk to you, figure out where you're at. Uh, you can link up with jimmy, connect, connect with jimmy and he can give you my number or connect us in an email or a text or what have you. Uh, but I will say, I will say this, like if you want to find me, the how is not that hard. It is not that hard to find me. You can, you can google me, you can go to the website, you can go to social media, you can find me. What will stop you from reaching out is thinking that I won't help you or that you're too many steps away from me. And the reality is that If you're in a chair And you are uncomfortable, my career, my profession, my passion, my purpose is to help you get out of your chair and get to the next level. So if you're listening and you, you find what we're talking about, appealing, find me again. It's not that hard. You can figure out how, just send a note, say hi. We'll take it from there.

Jimmy: 52:07

Ladies and gentlemen, Aaron Velke at his best. You're the

Aaron: 52:10

man. Thank you, brother. I appreciate that.

52:13

That concludes another awesome episode of Primal AF, a massive thank you to our incredible guest Aaron Velke for sharing his insights on mindset leadership, personal growth. Um, guys, if you need to find Aaron, it's not that hard. A A R O N V E L K Y. Find him on Instagram and also online, getoutofyourownway. coach.