Kyle Wakeman on I.D.E.A.L Impact

Kyle is one of the owners of the IDEAL Impact Podcast and Coaching.   He gives his thoughts on what makes a good man, and the characteristics needed to step up your game.

Check him out on IG
@ideal_impact_podcast
@kyle.d.wakeman

Transcript

0:10

Yo, I would start this episode. I'm gonna let you know straight, straight from the start, my boy, Kyle and Randy are from Ideal Impact Podcast. Definitely check that out too. I'll drop the link in here., he drops by and he talks about how to measure intentionality, discipline, eq, accountability, loyal. He nails it all on this. He's so clear. You guys need to check this one out. My boy, Kyle is rolling in right now. Tell me what you think.

Jimmy: 0:43

my man, Kyle Wakeman.

Kyle: 0:44

What's going on brother? Dude, it's another, another Scorcher down here in Texas. Man, I, uh, I ran, or I didn't run today, I did a hit workout. I took a walk and then I cut the grass and I'm out there just thinking two weeks from today I'm heading back up north to towards Ohio, and I can't wait to get out of this stuff. What's going on up there? In Ohio. Yeah, family. So we bought, uh, we, my wife and I bought another house, so we came down to Texas, like super short term down here, four months to, to stay with her mom and just um, make some business moves and everything. So it worked out really well. But I definitely have realized that I am a Yankee through and through. So I'm not a southern guy. Can't do the heat. How about how hot is it down there? Uh, so yesterday when I was like, right after my run, I looked at the weather app and it was a heat index of 117. So right now the actual temperature is a hundred and the real feel is one 13.

Jimmy: 1:45

So in Virginia it's, it's pretty freaking, um, it's humid, man, so it'll. I think it's like 90, 94, but it's like in an oven.

Kyle: 1:55

Yeah. Yeah. Humidity. That's how it is here cuz like I'm, um, we're about like an hour and a half or so from the Louisiana border. So we're, we're in the bayou country, man. It is just fricking humid as hell down here. So what time did you train

Jimmy: 2:10

to like, Beat the heat, essentially.

Kyle: 2:13

Uh, yeah, dude, I'm looking back home. It's, uh, 71 and the real field is 71, so, so yeah, yesterday actually, yeah, so yesterday was the first time I've ever ran for an hour straight, so I'm, I decided I, I've always been somebody who hates running. I decided next year I'm gonna, Challenge myself to complete a full marathon. My goal, I don't have a time goal or anything like that. It's just to complete it without stopping just to, to run the entire time. So I started my official training for that yesterday and I went out and ran an hour. So I think I was done by. 8:00 AM Oh, okay. So, yeah. Yeah. So I'm getting out there before it gets too hot, but it's still, it. It's more than 71 degrees out, I tell you that.

Jimmy: 3:00

Yeah, I know. I mean, you wake up and it's, you know, it's 80, it's 85, something like that. Like geez. Yeah. It sucks. But I, man, those are my favorite workouts that are the ones outside.

Kyle: 3:11

Oh dude. Yeah, working out outside is incredible. It, we've been, we've done that, I think, so we've been here since the end of March and I've done two workouts indoors, and that was only because it was a torrential downpour and I've even gone out. And walked like four or five miles one day in just the pouring rain. That's, so I'd much rather be outside than inside, but there's, you know, some days trying to do a hit workout and hold onto the weights and everything like that, like, uh, all right. I'll do that inside if it's pouring rain. But what was your hit workout today? So I was strapped for time. We did a 20 minute emom, so every minute on the minute. Mm-hmm. And I did three full burpees with the pushup three, um, 150 pound bag rows. So I got like the sand duffle bag and I have three 50 pound smaller bags inside of it. And then three, uh, super planks. So part of the g the, you know, the GB nine that we do. So it's like, you know, a dynamic plank with a mountain climber in between. So that took us, you know, around to, that was about 30 seconds, and then a 32nd break, and then just kept hitting that over and over again for 20 minutes. How many burpees is that? That's only 60. So three times, 20 minutes. Yeah. So it's it, and like realistically, it's not the volume of that workout that is the killer, but doing it out in the heat and then only getting 32nd break in between each one, like never enough. It's pretty good. Yeah. Yeah. Oh

Jimmy: 4:41

man. So how do you, how do you recover from something like that then you, then

Kyle: 4:44

you went out and cut the grass. Yeah, so I came in from that. I ate lunch and then I went right back around and I, I was, there's the fastest I've ever cut the grass down here. Cause I was just, I'm like, I just don't want to be in the heat. So I was basically running the entire time. So it's not that big of a yard, but dude, I was, I was like pushing that mower as fast as I possibly could. The other thing that sucks down here is every time I cut the grass I get like six or seven fire an bites on my ankle and shit. So I didn't think about that. Yeah. So recovery wise, I mean, um, you know, I stretch every single day, so that's part of like my nightly, nightly wind down routine. Yeah. So I'm stretching my hip flexors especially, um, my, my, um, piriformis. Quads, hamstrings, calves, you know, all of basically my entire lower body. Mm-hmm. And then I foam roll my back and my, my glutes, my hips and all that stuff. It's so funny cuz I remember, you know, in my twenties when I was playing football in college, I didn't, you know, I didn't do any of that stuff. I didn't, I mean, I pulled a lot of muscles, so I should have been doing that stuff. You played in college? Yeah. Yeah. I played D three ball. Tight end. Oh, nice. Yeah, we didn't get into that. So we were recording on my show the other day and I, I remember you mentioning that you played, and then I completely got sidetracked and never got into that. But yeah, I played tight end at Lake Erie College, so I was actually part of the very f. First football team at Lake Erie College. Fuck out here. Yeah. And I was actually, now going back even a step further, I was the first person to come to Lake Erie to play specifically to play football. And I, I got out of it in high school, so I, I played my freshman and sophomore year. I had a great freshman season, sophomore year. Um, I. I played jv, suited up for varsity, but I went to the biggest school in Ohio at that time, and high school football in Ohio is huge. So yeah, we were the, the, the biggest program, we had 200 person freshmen teams, so we had two separate teams. Each freshman team had a hundred people on it. And then a lot of people that just, you know, weren't that good, didn't get the playing time, ended up quitting going into 10th grade because we also. The school was so big at that time that freshman year, we were still in the junior highs, so there was three junior highs. Holy shit. And then you went to high school. 10th, 11th, and 12th grade. But we were still like part of the high school sports in my freshman year, so we had to like bus over to the high school every day after school for practice if you, I mean, it didn't matter what you did. Baseball, football. Mm-hmm. Basketball track. Like you were taking a bus after school over to the high school, practicing, then getting home late because of all that, and then trying to get homework done and everything, it, it sucked. Like, freshman year was rough and I played football, basketball, and baseball in junior high. Oh, and I take that back. The junior highs as, as freshman, we were still. A junior high team. So like I played for the Ridge Rams junior high basketball team my freshman year, but I played, men are high school baseball and football. So it was like all sorts of jacked up

Jimmy: 7:58

crazy. So in college you're not a small dude, right? You're like six what? Six two? Six three.

Kyle: 8:02

I'm six. Yeah, I'm six four. You're six four.

Jimmy: 8:05

Mm-hmm. Damn. So that's a pretty good size tight end.

Kyle: 8:11

Yeah, the problem was, so first of all, I was, I was horribly unhealthy in college, so insane. I, I, yeah, dude, I weighed 180 when I graduated high school. By the time I got back into football in college, which I was after my freshman year of college. So I went one year to a community college, and then they moved me to tight end because I, I was tall, but I wasn't quite fast enough to play receiver on the, at the college level. Right. Um, I, I went up to 255 pounds, so my frame just wasn't designed for 255 pounds. So I got really bad shin splints, then turned into stress fractures in both of my lower legs, which then turned into tendonitis in my knees, and I just couldn't move. And we also had, A guy that was our starting tight end who was just, I mean, he was a stud. He was like six five uhhuh super, like fast, wildly athletic, like, I mean, he was a stud. Um, he ended up, unfortunately overdosing after college and, and passing away. But, um, yeah, yeah, he was, he was a stud. So I didn't see the field much in college, but it was an awesome experience just to, to play. And I met like my. Best group of friends to this day. Like we all played football together in college and you know, like my best friend Andy, his son is my godson, their uh, daughter is my wife Callie's goddaughter. So Wow. I wouldn't change the experience for the world, but my body, my body definitely did not thank me for that. And then I joined the Army and I was like, dude, I was real nervous going to basic training cuz like I got bad knees. Like, um, you know, I weighed like, I think I weighed like two 40. When I left for basic training, I'm like, dude, I don't, I don't know if I'm gonna make it with all this running and ruck marching and all that shit. Like, I don't know if my body's gonna hold up. But luckily, when I got to basic, I started losing weight like rapidly, and then all the pain went away, the knee pain, the stress fracture, all that stuff like cleared up just because I just, I lost weight and I wasn't carrying all that excess shit around.

Jimmy: 10:18

Yeah, it's crazy how similar our college experiences were because, It wasn't the first year that, that, uh, I played D three ball, but it wasn't the first year. It was the second year. But the coach that we got his first year was the year that I came in, I'm sorry, the second year, my sophomore year. Mm-hmm. Um, and he interned under trestle. Oh, yeah. Yeah. He was, and he was, I, I liked his style. I mean, he was, he was really, if nothing else, he was a good leader. Mm-hmm. And, I mean, I loved everything about that experience. Yeah, it was cool. I played wide receiver and, you know, I, I turned into like a little bitch because like, I wasn't getting the ball as much. So I went over to the, the

Kyle: 10:59

cornerback side. That's a typical wide receiver attitude. We, when I started playing wide out in college, we, like our wide receiver coach was, he was cool as hell and he would, uh, like we're peacocks like as as wide receivers, you know, we wanna strut our shit and like show off and do all that stuff, which, you know, that was true and it killed that, that. That mentality right there is exactly the mentality that I had in high school, which, which just, I mean, it killed my career, man. Like I, freshman year, I, I'm a six, I, I was really tall even as a freshman. I think I was probably like six two as a freshman. And I, I. Had great hands. So I just took the ball away from Cornerbacks cuz they were, they were so short, like it didn't really matter, even if they were right on me, it didn't ma, I didn't need to be open. And then, you know, as you progress and everybody else gets better, um, you know, I just relied on talent. I didn't work hard, I wasn't disciplined, I wasn't, um, you know, hitting the weights or anything like that. And then, I got a girlfriend and I'm like, ah, well, hanging out with my girlfriend's way cooler than working out and doing all this shit with football. So that's what led me to quit. And none, none of her fault. Like she didn't encourage me to quit or anything like that. But dude, talk about like, one of my biggest regrets, I I, uh, you know, after I quit football, I used to live, or my parents still do live, you know, not very far from the football stadium that I played at in CO or in high school. And dude, I couldn't even like drive past the stadium. It was, it was just like heartbreaking. And then, yeah, actually, so I played my full sophomore, or I started to play my junior year. And what happened was they, so I was a wide receiver. I loved playing wide receiver. I also punted a little bit too. Mm-hmm. And. They were like, well, hey, we need you to suit up for jv. And I'm like, oh. I'm like, all right, cool. Like I'll, I'll suit up for jv, I'll go play wide receiver and just like, you know, dog on everybody. And they're like, well, you can't play wide receiver for JV because we don't want you to get hurt. We just need you to come and punt. I'm like, so I gotta now spend my Saturdays. Suiting up for jv. I don't even get to go have fun playing wide receiver. I gotta go punt. Mm-hmm. And we played our very first game of the year every year when I was there was Glenville, which was where Dante Whitner went. Um, Ted Gin Jr. Oh wow. Uh, Troy Smith. Um, you know, so they, they used to be stacked and um, so, and they were just a super athletic team. I mean, they were cranking out Ohio State recruits left and right. So, It was the very first pun of the game. Right. And one of our gunners was wide open and we never practiced this shit. So I'm sitting there like punting and my coach is yelling at me and he is like hype, you know, snap the ball and throw it to the gunner cuz it was a wide open touchdown, basically. Yeah. Well dude, we snap the ball. These dudes are all fucking over me. Like as soon as I catch the snap uhhuh and I like drop back, I toss the ball up into the air, it falls incomplete and they get the ball, you know, at like our 20 yard line. And I go over to the. The, the bench and he just, it fucking reamed me, like chewed me out and I'm like, you're asking me to come out on a Saturday to punt. And then I do something that I've never prac, I've never thrown a football before in, in a, like a real situation, like a real game situation. And I'm getting chewed out. And I'm like, fuck this. I'm like, you know what? I'm, I'm over it. And then I tried to go back my senior year and my, just like, my heart wasn't really in it anymore. But Yeah. Um, you know, looking back again, like that's a lot of, of those type of things that have happened in my life where I've lacked discipline and I've lacked consistency and, and emotional intelligence and stuff That's really, What led me to a very long stretch of unhappiness and, and lack of joy in my life. And, and luckily over the last couple years I've really, you know, been more intentional about thinking through things and why am I so unhappy? Um, you know, and, and just trying to figure that out. And the biggest thing that I realized was, dude, you're half, you're, you're unhappy cuz you've half-assed. Everything you've ever done, football, school, careers, relationships, you've never put a hundred percent effort maybe here and there, like maybe for a day or maybe for an hour, but never for an extended period of time. Never on a consistent basis. And I'm like, that's why you're unhappy because you're, you're, you don't give anything a hundred percent. And how can you ever be happy if you don't? Put in the effort. Like I can now, if I put in the effort and something doesn't work out, I can, I can be okay with that. Yeah. Like I'm, I'm cool with that. But dude, like workouts, everything, it was just, it was just half-assed. I was, I was a lazy, uh, I was a lazy person. Dude. That's pretty

Jimmy: 15:39

crazy. So is that how and where you discovered, um, The I Ideal Impact?

Kyle: 15:48

Yeah. Yeah. So Ideal Impact is the name of our, our company. So we have Ideal, the Ideal Impact podcast and, um, ideal Impact Coaching, which is we're, we're, we're still playing with exactly what Ideal Impact coaching is. We're, we're really focused on discipline and consistency with it and trying to help people build that in their lives and uncover results. Mm-hmm. But, We're really figuring out like what is our niche with that? Who is our ideal client? Right? No, no pun intended. Um, on the ideal client. Right. Oh, nice. Yeah,

Jimmy: 16:22

that should, dude, that should be your marketing thing, like, yeah. Yeah. Who is the

Kyle: 16:25

ideal client that it's perfect. Well, I think, I think what we're doing, so I, let me state this before we get any further into that, but an ideal stands for intentionality, discipline, emotional intelligence, accountability, excuse me. And loyalty and. Really, those were the five things that I, I really lacked. Me and my business partner. Sorry, I guess something in my throat. No, you're

Jimmy: 16:51

right. Oh, hold on.

Kyle: 16:58

That was weird. We're good. More coffee. So, um, more caffeine anyways. Yeah. Caffeine, caffeinated. Um, so anyways, so yeah, that, you know, we looked at it and really what it, what that started with was leadership. So my business partner and I, Randy Myers, we were in the Ohio Army National Guard together, and when we looked back we were again, Half-assed. Our military career didn't take leadership seriously. We went in as E four. So we, we joined the guard already with some rank because we were college graduates. So we really quickly got our, our sergeant rank and then staff sergeant, you know, shortly after that, like my, almost my entire career was actually spent Damn it, as a, uh, as a staff sergeant. So, but I, I just, I didn't take it seriously. I, I, I ranked jumped and I look back and, you know, there was definitely worse leaders out there. Yeah. Um, but I definitely wasn't intentional. I was not disciplined, I wasn't emotional inte, emotionally intelligent, all of those things. I didn't know what loyalty truly meant. And, uh, you know, we started off and we're like, all right, well, like if we had been these five things, We would be way better te you know, we would be way better leaders, Uhhuh. So we started off, we're like, okay, well, like, we'll do like a leadership development company. And we started that and I'm like, dude, I, I kind of feel like this isn't the right thing because I'm like, We never truly applied these skills in leadership situations. So we're teaching people what we did wrong, but we don't have a ton of examples of what we've done right, and I'm like, so this just doesn't jive. Then we started, you know, through this whole process of. Figuring out the business. We really started leaning into these skills. We started applying them in our relationships, you know, marriage at work, you know, trying to run a business, all of these things. And we're, then we realized, holy crap, like we're really onto something here. Like these skills, this is what you need to not only be a good leader, but be a, you know, a good man. And that was really my biggest struggle throughout my life is like, I'm like, I wanna be a good man, but I'm not. And I, I, I don't feel like one. So we're like, okay, well then these skills are just good skills for life in general. Right. So we've just constantly been refining what our pain point was in the past mm-hmm. And who we want to help and who we're best suited to help through this. So it's still a work in process. That sounds awesome.

Jimmy: 19:39

And you said, you said that you, you called no, you, you wanted to be a, a good man. How would you, what characteristics would you define a good man? Yeah, so I almost said, how do you define a good man, but like, we'll just go with the, the chromosomes there, but no, what characteristics,

Kyle: 19:56

yeah. So, I mean, to me, I, I mean, going back like a, a good man is a man who is intentional with his actions in his time. Who is disciplined in his life, right? And I, I look at discipline in many diff discipline is a foundation to all of that. Like if you lack discipline, you're not going to be intentional. You're not gonna be emotionally intelligent. Cuz it takes a lot of discipline to do that. Like take accountability for example. And what we mean by accountability is ownership. So like self-accountability, holding yourself accountable. And when you look at that, That's unnatural. Like typically as human beings, when something happens, we blame somebody or something else. You're not gonna blame yourself, right? Like that's, that's, that's the hard right over the easy wrong. So in order to do that, you better be disciplined, right? Emotional intelligence, that's another one. So when you're trying to manage your emotions, I, I call it emotional management because like, Controlling your emotions is, is impossible. You can't just stop feeling a certain way, right? Mm-hmm. You have to manage it by thinking through it, understanding why you feel that way, not taking action in that emotional state, because typically if you do that, whether it's a, a high or a low, you're not gonna make the the right decision, right? Right. So, And that takes intentionality as well. So they all tie together. Like we come back and they all come full circle. But again, what we thought of was like, all right, well at this point in our lives, what are we really good at out of those five skills? And it's, it's discipline, right? Yeah. It's going out. Andre, working out when I don't want to, it's. Having the conversation with somebody that I really don't want to have in that moment, whether it's with my wife or you know, somebody that I'm working with or whatever it is. So we're like, let's lean into this discipline piece because I think we lay the foundation. I think a good man is a discipline man, and discipline in mind, body, spirit, you know, emotion, all of that stuff that I. Was not when I was younger. I, you know, acted on emotion all the time. I got drunk a lot. Um, I ate whatever I want. My body was fueled by booze and, and trash. Like dude in college, after a game, I would eat a whole pizza and like a whole box of Swiss cake rolls. Um, so it was no wonder that I weighed 255 pounds, right?

Jimmy: 22:24

I was trying to gain weight, but I was still eating shit.

Kyle: 22:27

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Well, I mean, back then, like I had no clue about nutrition and it was a division two startup program. It's not like they, they just told me to gain weight. They didn't say like, well, you have to eat so many grams of protein and here's your macro breakdown. No, it was, here's your ticket to the, to the, um, I, I would say chow hall, cuz I'm going back to the military terms, but here's your ticket to the, the all you can eat. So, um, Oh man. Cafeteria. Yeah, so we had like a food service dude, it was all you could eat. If I got, I swiped that card to go in, dude, I could eat every, just, I, you should have seen the food. Like I was probably eating 10 to 12,000 calories a day, God, um, back then. And it, it was just, I was, I, I didn't realize it at the time, but I just felt miserable. But to get back to your question, I mean, A discipline, or excuse me, to me, a good man is just somebody who knows how to balance his relationship with himself and his relationship with the people that are around him, that he surrounds himself with. Like, can you be loyal to yourself and loyal to the people that are around you? Can you add value to you? Can you add value to them? And before in my life, I didn't add value to either of those. I didn't add value to myself. I obviously abused my, my body. I went. Through so long with just trying to, like, I was in this hole, like I was in this emotional hole. I was completely empty inside. And again, looking back at it, that was because I was half-assing everything. And I had this internal conflict of who I was and who I really wanted to be. Mm-hmm. But I, I refused to get help to do it. I'm like, I don't want to talk to anybody about it. I don't wanna admit that I'm a piece of shit and, you know, like my ego just got in the way and everything that I did. Was fueled on ego, women drinking money, like every, all of that was just, I'm trying to fill this emptiness, this void inside of me. And now instead of trying to fill it with all these superficial, temporary dopamine hits, I'm filling it by adding value to other people and helping other people dig themselves out of that hole that I used to be in. Dog. You're like my twin. Like same, but like a lot taller though. Yeah, you're You're way taller than I am. And less hair. Yeah.

Jimmy: 24:45

Better looking, but same thing because like, When you get into those things, it's like, who, who is that making happy? Usually it's just so somebody else sees to, to make somebody else. Yes. Happy to. Yep. You know, Hey, look at my group of friends because I'm with like this girl and this girl and this girl, and watch I, I could chug 24 beers and. You know, be the asshole at the party or whatever, right?

Kyle: 25:13

Absolutely, man. I mean, I remember like, I used to no joke, like I'd take down like a 30 rack of keystone and I'd be like, dude, I drank 30 beers yesterday, like a cool mine. You're fucking shit co. Yeah, exactly. Oh dude, that's fucking epic. Like, no, like I drank 30 beers now I feel like shit, I almost got arrested last night. I got in a fight and I cheated on my girlfriend, you know, like the.

Jimmy: 25:38

But dude, but like it's environment, because you could hear from like a bro. It's like, but dude, that was so epic of you, man. You're such

Kyle: 25:45

fucking killer. Oh yeah, dude. Fuck. Yeah. That's why. And like, and that comes back to the whole thing, like, if you live that life, the best you will ever achieve is mediocrity. Like that's the, that's the ceiling. And that is like, we are so rewarded in society with being. Mediocre with being average, and we're not teaching young men especially to be intentional, to be disciplined, to be emotionally intelligent, to take ownership of your life, or teaching them like what does loyalty really mean? Like what does, what does that mean and, and how do I balance it? Because as. You know, as we grow up and we get older, we have so many more things that require our loyalty. Again, we have ourselves, we have our significant others, eventually we have children, we have, you know, people that we lead. We have our job, you know, we have time with our family, so there's all of these things that we need to be loyal to. But how do I balance all that? Right? Like, like, geez, that's, that's a lot to ask of, of people.

Jimmy: 26:49

Well, dude, you're up against. You're up against society, you're up against a hard one because all of those things that you stand for with ideal, like the accountability, the discipline, right? Those are all masculine traits. Loyalty. I mean, a guy's gonna keep his word. So I mean, somebody who's really loyal. So say, if my neighbor said, Hey man, I'm going outta town. Will you cut my grass? And I say, yes. There. I don't care if there is a firestorm, if there's a tornado, I am going to be cutting that grass because that's what we have as men is we have our word or our loyalty. But um, I feel like that's, that's under attack a little bit. Even, I don't know if you heard about this or not, but, um, it was like Joe Rogan and Elon Musk were, were kind of mocked by, um, Ms. N B C I think it was because Ms. Ms N B C put a tweet that like working out and like all those masculine traits are, it's a far right

Kyle: 27:47

obsession. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I've seen that. Do you see that? Yeah. Absolutely incredible, dude. Like I know, I know plenty of of liberal people that are in great shape that work out, that train martial arts and stuff like that. Like it's, I will say that if, when I look around the people that you know, that I'm close with that really do that, typically, and I don't think this is, is a coincidence, I, I think that. They typically are more conservative because as, and I mean, traditionally conservative. Yeah. Like, I'm not talking about politics here. Mm-hmm. But, you know, as a, as a conservative and more of a conservative male, and I consider myself like more of a libertarian, like I'm more of live and let live and just leave me alone if I'm not hurting you and you're not hurting me, like, we're cool, but. We have certain values, like I as a man want to be able to protect my wife. Like if we're in a situation, I want to be able to do that. And I think, again, like when I look at that more, most of the men that I know that are really big on protecting their families and stuff like that, they're, they lean more conservative. They own firearms. They train juujitsu, they train mma. They do, you know, they, they take care of themselves. They work out they, but. I just, I know a lot of people in society today. I'm like, if I were to come and I'm not Billy Badass, like dude, there's plenty of people that I train with that would absolutely smoke me, but I'm way ahead of the average person nowadays. So it's like, how can you look at yourself in the mirror if pretty much any other dude in society could just walk up, disrespect your wife or. Grab her and take her from you and you couldn't do shit about it. Like, if I broke into most people's houses, they would, they would be fucked. Mm-hmm. Like what would you do? Like that's a situation where I don't ever wanna find myself in like, I want to be somebody, not just my wife, but in a situation when, you know, I'm out in public, if shit goes down, I want to be one of the people that are stepping up to take care of that situation, not tucking my tail and running away like a little bitch. And I. That's what's like, we're, we're, as a society, we're moving mo more and more towards, because we're like blurring the lines of what it means to be a man and what it means to be a woman. And I'm not saying that as, as a female, you can't be a fricking badass too. Like I train with badass females, you know, like, I think everybody should train martial arts and be able to protect themselves and all that, but as a man, I am bigger and stronger, and that's just genetically true. It's not that I'm trying to be misogynistic or anything like that, it's just genetics. That's how it is. That's how we were designed. That's how we evolved. Now, I'm probably gonna get canceled for saying shit like this, but like, I don't know, man. Like I feel like society as a whole, we're just getting so fucking soft and it's just, it's so irritating. But it's also like, At the same time, it allows me to help the people that are sick of that, but don't know how to navigate, like, okay, well, like I feel like I want to really lean into my masculine en masculine energy. Mm-hmm. How do I do that? I, I don't know. I don't, I'm not really sure I've lost my discipline or I've lost. Taking ownership over my life, like, and that's what I did. I didn't know how to do any of those things and I just struggled with it on my own. And finally, through reading and podcasting and just a bigger focus on self-development, I really started to pull myself out of that. And then I hired a, a, a coach. So my coach is Aaron Vel. And just, that's just accelerated the process like tremendously. We've only been working together for a few months, but I'm already just having these massive breakthroughs of getting back to like becoming who I've really always wanted to be. And I, I have a lot to owe to him and his program and everything that we're going through right now.

Jimmy: 31:52

You and me both, man. That guy is a fucking

Kyle: 31:54

genius. He's a, he is an artist. Like I, he's like a Michelangelo of personal development. It's, it's incredible. And he helps men and, and women too. Yeah. Um, but he's just like, I look at Aaron and I'm like, dude, this guy is incredible. He is so good at what he does, but, and I, at first I'm like, I really, you know, as a coach, I want to be like Aaron and mm-hmm. Then I kinda lost my way with the coaching because by being more like Aaron, I'm being a whole lot less like Kyle. And if I want to help old Kyle, I need to really lean into who I am and who I'm becoming. And that's teaching people how to get after it when they don't want to get after it. You know? That's my thing. Like I want to push you. Physically to your limits and test this shit and help you grow with those things. One step at a time, like one little baby step at a time. But that's what I'm about. I'm not really about like, you know, well you need to practice stillness in your life and all this stuff. And not that I don't think that there are benefits to that, but that's just not who I am. Like I want to be like, get the fuck off the couch. Go outside, fucking move, get your fucking workout in, stop making excuses. Like that's the type of coach that, that I am. Right? Like I'm more, well, you guys are similar. I

Jimmy: 33:11

was, I'm, I'm not gonna put Aaron's shit out there. Um, I, I'll let him do that. But I mean, you guys are similar at like, so Yeah, he was telling me he wasn't always. You know, as eloquent as he is, and he didn't always have the ideas and the stoicism that he has. So he was at a, he was at a different spot earlier in his, in his life and, you know, it's kind of like the same thing you were, you weren't as disciplined. But I feel like the best coaches, you have a, you have a niche there where. You know, as a coach of that specific thing, you've been into that fucking shit hole. Yeah. And you have learned how to crawl yourself out. So now you have the tools to help everybody else do that. So somebody else that I. You know, lacks the, the discipline. I'm not gonna say motivation cuz we both know that, you know, those

Kyle: 33:56

two are very, very hip. Take that word. That's a four letter word to me right there saying,

Jimmy: 33:59

fuck that. Nobody wants to get up at fucking 4:15 AM Well, I'm

Kyle: 34:04

not motivated. I'm, I'm not motivated. I don't, neither am I, like, I'm not fucking motivat. I don't want to do this shit. Do you think I want to go do a workout barefoot in the Texas heat and to the point where I have blisters on my toes? No, but I fucking did it anyway and I love every second of it.

Jimmy: 34:20

Because you build calluses and calluses are tough.

Kyle: 34:22

Yeah. I shouldn't say I loved every second of it. I, I didn't love it while I'm doing it, but I love it afterwards. Like right after you get done with that brutal fricking workout, you're just like, thank God I did that. Thank God I didn't half-ass that because dude, that was again coming back to that shit when I half-ass a workout. Then I sit with it the rest of the day and I'm like, dude, you're a. Like you, you were being a little bitch during that workout. Like Yeah, and, and you and I would hate it until the next workout and then I'd half-ass that one. And I just sat in this endless state of half-assing and unhappiness, and once I started giving a hundred percent effort to whatever it is that's in front of me in that moment. Mm-hmm. That's when. I started becoming progressively happier. That's

Jimmy: 35:04

a masculine trait. How do you think that you would define like masculinity and toxic masculinity? What do you think is the difference?

Kyle: 35:12

So, that's a good question. So I actually, so have you ever seen the show Mad Men? Yeah. With John Ham. Dude, love that show, right? Yeah. I, so I would say, The, there's good parts of when you look back into like, so we'll just use that timeframe for the example, like that was the sixties, right? There were very clearly defined roles of men and women, right? Mm-hmm. Now you look at that and I think the fact that those men were willing to go to war typically, right? Like back in that time period, those were a lot of World War II vets, a lot of Korean War vets in the sixties, and you know, those guys. That was an epic generation. That, that, that, you know, the, the greatest generation, I think is, you know, what we refer to'em as, which is awesome. Yeah. However, the way they spoke to women, The, the, um, alcohol abuse, you know, the, uh, way women were treated in the office and the career differenti, you know, and the unequal pay. So it's like, I think there was a lot of good in that era because there was this solid core family and that was like the foundation of America. And men were men and women were women, and. But, you know, so I think we could like a hybrid approach to, to what we're doing where there's a little bit more respect and dignity involved, but a clearly defined role between the two, like I would do, I think it would be. A lot of, I think if you gave a lot of females the option. Mm-hmm. Not a lot. I don't know, maybe I'm generalizing there, but I think there would be some that'd be like, yeah, I would love to be like a stay-at-home mom. That's what I'm meant to do. I want to be with my kids. I wanna raise my family. But in today's agent society, like, it's almost impossible because you can't afford to fucking live on one salary. Like, dude, when I was at Progressive, making like 130 grand a year. Mm-hmm. If, if Callie wasn't working, I mean, we would've survived, but it wouldn't have been great. Yeah. Still. And then you add a kid to it, it's like, fuck. It's like, dude that, that a hundred thousand dollars a year that everyone used to like, oh man, that's amazing. It doesn't go very far anymore. That's a minimum.

Jimmy: 37:24

Now it's like

Kyle: 37:24

Jesus. Yeah. So, so anyway, so back to that. So like, I think you have to be so toxic masculinity would be not being a good man. Like if you're, you know, like you're, uh, disrespectful towards women, you're misogynistic, those type of things. Like that's to toxic. Yeah, I'm this big Billy badass and I'm gonna treat women like shit and all that stuff. Like, I used to be toxic to toxic. Masculine toxic. Is that toxically masculine? Yeah, I guess that's how you say it. Yeah. I mean, I used to do that stuff, but no, the difference between masculinity is, Hey, I'm gonna stand up and protect my wife when I'm needed. Toxic masculinity is, I'm gonna start fights for no fucking reason. Like now, like if somebody's checking out my wife like, I'm not gonna get mad about that. Like, cool. As long as you look and you don't approach or do anything disrespectful, I'm not gonna get upset with that. That makes me feel good. Like my wife's beautiful. I like that. Yeah. But you know, I'm not, and I'm not gonna, before when I was in college, when I was a dr. You know, a drunk and drinking and I wasn't a drunk, I, I, like, I wasn't drinking all the time, but you know, we would binge drink it's college. Hell yeah. I would go. Walk up to that dude and start a fight, like there's a difference. And that was my ego talking. Now I'm just, you know, I'm like, Hey, cool. Like, you know, just don't cross the line. Well, it

Jimmy: 38:46

sounds like, it sounds like intentionality, I mean, I mean, everything that you say is in alignment with what's on your hat. Yeah. So it sounds like, you know, to be masculine, it's like, what? What are your intentions? You know? Right. It's like if somebody's looking at your wife, you know, Your intention is like, all right, so I get it. She's hot. Right? Um, but you know, back in the day if somebody's looking at your girlfriend and you go start a fight, that's actually like a. You know, your, your intention is not to protect anybody. Your intention is right to be boastful, and now you're reacting on emotions. And emotions are a feminine quality, so you're not really being masculine.

Kyle: 39:24

Yeah. And, and then if you lose your temper, like you lose control of that entire situation, you lose a lot of respect too. And then, so take it a step further. If I proactively go up to this guy and I fight him and he didn't do anything, well guess what? I'm going to jail, and then how am I supposed to protect her from prison, right? Mm-hmm. Like, So you have to be intentional, and that's why all of these things are so important, like that emotional intelligence piece that you hit on. Like you have to be disciplined enough to not just go out and do something because your ego feels bruised. Dude, how

Jimmy: 39:59

do you, how do you teach emotional intelligence? Because yours was like, just really it, what I wrote down, managing your emotions. Mm-hmm. Right. That's pretty much the basis of it. Right? How do you

Kyle: 40:09

teach that? Yeah, so the way that that I've looked at it is it's like layers, like it's levels, right? So level one of emotional intelligence is you, I, I don't wanna say that you completely lack it because I, I think there are very few people in the world that completely lack any of those five things. Like it's on some level we have it, right. So level one you have a very minuscule amount. Okay? But, So you act on emotion, you lose your temper. You know, you, you, you yell at people, all this stuff. Then level two is, all right, so I'm starting to at least recognize that I'm doing this and I understand that it's wrong. But I'm not really sure what to do. Okay. Then like level three is, all right, I recognize I'm being emotional in this state and I'm just gonna walk away. So walking through these levels, right? So level three is, I don't know what to do, but I know acting in this moment, Is wrong. So I'm just going to walk away from it and come back to it later. And there are plenty of times where I still have to do that. I just recognize, I'm like, don't say anything. Just turn around and walk away. And then level four is being able to keep yourself in that situation, in that moment and not respond emotionally. So a lot of what we do is like, you know, when I'm talking to somebody specifically about emotional intelligence, we're tying, or you know, we're just reflecting on that situation. Hey, all right. So this is what you did in that situation. Now, if you were acting with emotional intelligence, what would you have done? Okay. I wouldn't have like, There was a time I, there was a business, and I'm trying to say this without getting into details on who these people were, but I was, I was in a situation and there was an owner of a business and another owner, so they were co-owners of this business and the head owner, we'll say, just for lack of a better term in this situation. He was speaking the other owner, subordinate owner, for, for lack of a better term, again, Uhhuh, um, interrupted him and the first person just completely lost their temper, started yelling at him. You always interrupt me. All this stuff, like in a meeting situation, like right, there were other people involved. And so after that happened, you know, and we kind of cooled the situation and we left the meeting room, I walked over and said, Hey, What do you think you should have done in that situation? Mm-hmm. And he was like, I should have walked away. I'm like, yes. I'm like, so yes, you should have just walked away. If you were that upset and you were that frustrated, it's better to just walk away than to, to lose your temper because, especially as the leader of this business, like you can't do that in front of, in front of everyone. Right, right. Like that's not okay. Okay. So now taking it another level. What should you have done? I should have said, Hey, you know, I'm sorry, like, just let me finish my thought here so I can process this. And then also, a lot of emotional intelligence is asking questions like making sure that you understand. So if I'm getting frustrated with somebody saying something, Hey, can you explain what does that mean to, to like, what do you mean by that? And really making sure that you're understanding it. So communication and emo emotional intelligence is huge. Like. Asking a lot of questions to make sure that you understand what is the intent behind what this person is saying. Yeah. So don't just freak out like maybe they didn't mean exactly what they said. Maybe you misunder misunderstood. And that's where ownership comes in. It's like, okay, well maybe it's not them. Maybe it's me. Maybe I'm misinterpreting or misunderstanding what they're trying to say, or their intent here. Or maybe even if they're interrupting me, maybe what they have to say is really good and. Should they interrupt me? Probably not, and we can have that situa that talk offline, but all of this discipline, emotional intelligence, accountability, it just comes with practice. It comes with making mistakes and then reflecting on them thinking, what could I have done better? And then applying that as you go, and you're still never gonna be perfect. Like no one's ever gonna be perfectly emotionally intelligent. No one's ever gonna be perfectly disciplined. It's just a matter of getting a little bit better every day. You learn

Jimmy: 44:30

to get better because like Yeah, exactly. Now you're training people to not just be aware of their emotions, but be aware of the totality of the situation. Like, let's take a look at everything that's going on and make your decision and make your gestures based on that. So that sounds like, mm-hmm. It's, um, it's very helpful.

Kyle: 44:49

Yeah. And when it comes to like the dis discipline piece, like having accountability and whether it's like, Hey, I am lacking discipline with my emotional intelligence. I'm lacking discipline with my workouts. I'm lacking discipline with water intake, whatever it can be. It's if you're, if you're struggling with it, have somebody that's there that can help you hold you accountable like that is there with you regularly, that is better than you at that specific thing. And lean into them and say like, Hey, like what would you, how could I have handled this situation better? Like, surrounding yourself with the right people on those five skills is, is very key.

Jimmy: 45:27

When you take on your clients, what do you think their biggest roadblocks that you guys over have to overcome? Are

Kyle: 45:35

It's, well, it depends on the, it depends on the client. Um, well, how about like, in regards to

Jimmy: 45:40

discipline?

Kyle: 45:42

Yeah. The, the biggest thing with discipline is, Is prioritizing. So a lot of what I run into is everything's a priority, so therefore nothing is a priority. Uh, it's saying, Hey, what is the priority here? Is this truly What's your coming to me? If you tell me, Hey, I want to, I want to get, I wanna be more consistent in my workouts. First of all, do you truly want to be more consistent in your workouts? Like what I hear a lot is I need better time management. Well, one. You're probably lacking the discipline to say no to things, and you're taking on too much. You're lacking the discipline to pick a priority and focus on that thing. And there's like, the way that I look at discipline is it's finite, right? We only have so much, we can only dedicate so much discipline to each thing because we only have so much time. Like if I'm super disciplined, let's say that I wanna run an ultra marathon. Mm-hmm. So I need to be super disciplined in my training to run an ultra marathon, 50 or more miles. Well, guess what? That's gonna be very time consuming. That's gonna leave me more time to spend with my family, or excuse me, less time to spend with my family, less time to focus on my business. So that's why it's so important to understand your priorities and when you, you prioritize one thing that all some other areas of your life are gonna take a hit. Now that might only be temporary and. Leaning into discipline to create balance. Like if you want full life happiness, it's gonna take a lot of discipline because you're going to need to balance that priority amongst many things. But I think that we're constantly trying to find that. But to go back to your question, I think the biggest thing is, is typically people you know, so you wanna. Be more disciplined and get more consistent in the gym, but you're unwilling to dedicate the time to it. It's so, I feel like it's a lot of a prioritization. It's like this really, if you're not willing to dedicate the time to it, then it's really not that big of a deal to you. Right? Yeah, you're exactly

Jimmy: 47:49

right. I mean, that, that was pretty, that was pretty powerful. Um, I guess like if somebody was, if somebody was struggling, To get to, I mean, they were in the spot that you were, right? Yeah. What advice would you think you would give them to get where they need to be?

Kyle: 48:10

Prioritize. Like pick one thing and get better at that one thing. Mm-hmm. Because when you make that thing a habit, right? So, okay, so again, I love fitness and this is really what I event, like I think we're going to take the direction of what we're doing is really leaning in into the fitness piece. Cuz that's what Randy and I like. We pride ourselves on that. We, we enjoy doing at this point. But using fitness as an example. Cause I just feel like it's universally relatable to most people. Especially guys. We know how to do that. Yeah. Right, right. Exactly. So the, um, you're gonna have to ask me the question again cause when I said that I lost my focus.

Jimmy: 48:49

No. Like, alright. When somebody was like in your position, what advice would you give them to get to where they're at? To where they want to be?

Kyle: 48:57

Yeah, yeah, yeah. So, I said picking, prioritization and picking the one thing. And I had a really good point to make about that, and now I can't freaking recall it. So, but I'm gonna try to talk through this. I'm try to talk through, just talk

Jimmy: 49:12

through, like the script is huge on this, so like, I

Kyle: 49:15

just cut this shit out. Yeah, yeah. So, um, with the prioritization, like, Oh, because of where I was like I wanted to, yes. Okay, now I got it. So where I was, I was, I, I didn't understand I was trying to do everything at once. Right, right. Like, I'm like, I need to be a better man. I need to take my fitness more seriously. I need to take my relationships more seriously. But I. When I'm doing all of that, when I, when you don't have a priority, like, or when everything's a priority, then nothing is a priority, like I said. So for me it started really with the physical piece, like leaning into that. All right, so then that takes a ton of discipline to start, to start. It takes a lot of discipline. Mm-hmm. However, it eventually just becomes habit, right? At this point in time, realistically. Working out all of running, like it really doesn't take much discipline for me. I just do it. It's just habit. Right? Well then once that becomes habit, now when I was talking about how discipline is finite, I need less discipline in the health and fitness portion of my life so I can dedicate more of that to being a better husband. Right? So now I create really strong habits around being a good husband. Mm-hmm. Okay, cool. That takes a lot of discipline to start. And then I go again. That's just lifestyle. It's habit for me. I don't need a ton of discipline to do it because it's just who I am. It's just part of my life now. Okay, cool. Well now I have more discipline to shift towards business. Right. And you just kind of move through that cycle by picking a priority and then taking that same mindset and that same approach. Applying it to other parts of your life. And you work around that pie chart that I was talking about earlier with all the different pillars of your life, right? Health and fitness, relationships, um, business and what else is there? Lifestyle, adventure. So I'm using like the GoBundance pillars there, right? But. So you just kind of move around that wheel and then you just make sure that you're being consistent and intentional about revisiting those things. Making sure that you're staying on track, but eventually it doesn't take that much discipline to stay on track because you've just created this life lifestyle in that situation. Right? Dude, you got a hell

Jimmy: 51:32

of a formula there. I mean like, we're still like-minded, but I like the way that you eloquently put that so you have a finite amount of discipline, but. Once you already build the habit and it's almost like it's going, then you can take that energy and discipline and put it into another pillar. Mm-hmm. Exactly. That's fucking brilliant, man. That's

Kyle: 51:51

fucking brilliant. Yeah, dude. And that's what I like people and myself included, right? Like David Goggins, I fucking love David Goggins, huge inspiration, right? But he has used discipline heavily in the physical and like the mindset portion, right? Right. But. If you're that dedicated and that disciplined when it comes to, dude, he's doing a thousand pull-ups a day and all this shit, right? Like it's hours and hours of working out. Well again, that's probably not, the man doesn't take vacation. He literally said, I don't take vacation. My vacation is driving. When I'm in the car, I'm in the shower, like when I'm, I'm on, you know, kind of autopilot in those situations. Why don't, that's not my life. I don't want that life, right? I want epic adventures. I want to go travel. I want freedom of time. Like, yeah, I'm gonna hit the gym hard, I'm gonna hit my workouts hard. I want also to be a very good husband. I want to be a good son. I want to be disciplined to spend time with my parents, even when it may be inconvenient, when I have a million other things going on in my life, like in order to be truly happy. For me, that's constantly trying to have that balance of the pie chart where everything, I'm kind, I'm effective at everything. Yeah,

Jimmy: 53:09

I mean, that's huge. Yeah. That's awesome. Well, Kyle, I'm about, I'm about out of time man. Um, I appreciate you for jumping on Kyle d Wakeman on Social ideal podcast. Check him out, dude. Good luck in your marathon, man.

Kyle: 53:24

Yeah. Yeah, I was just looking up to see which one I'm gonna sign up for. I think I'm gonna do something in my home state of, of Rhode Island, so I'm thinking they do one in my hometown, Newport, Rhode Island, where I was born. So I think that's gonna be the one dude.

Jimmy: 53:37

Go for it. Did you already sign up for

Kyle: 53:38

it? No, not yet. I'm waiting until, yeah, I'm waiting till the beginning. One one 2024. I'm signing up for a half marathon in the first half of the year, and a full marathon for, for the second half of the year. Go hard. Real hard. Good luck too, brother. Yeah, I'll be watching you. Yeah. Appreciate you, man, all

Jimmy: 53:58

brother. Later.